Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Goth Challenge Day Two: Share photos and experiences of your babybat days.

  Hello Darlings!  (how I felt writing this post ^^^)

How was your day? Currently I'm still on vacation and in two days I'll be doing a college visit. I plan to make a mini post about my road trip today with a few funny photos I collected.

Now on to the actual post. :)

Share photos and experiences of your babybat days

Well, first off I was a little iffy about writing this post. I get a bit moody when talking about my past. Also to be honest I hated taking photos when I was younger. I had a serious phobia of the camera, I swear. Nowadays it isn't so bad but I still shy away from the camera from time to time. So I hope I get a small round of applause for actually finding a few photos. Plus I seriously deleted every single image of my face I could find back then. It's baffling.


These photos are from my high school "babybat days." I don't have any any earlier than my sophomore year although I was  dressing darker in eighth grade. Also please realize that while these may not be the greatest they do show my "oh so artistic" state of mind and how I believed I could never smile or how over the top makeup was mandatory. You'll see the photo I'm talking about.

Commence my embarrassment x)
my baby. I miss him. No smiling and black shirt/jeans

me posing with a mirror. But I love that cateye. What a pro haha.

Moving on to experiences. Well I'd say I had really mixed experiences. Some funny and some just plain hell. I still don't know why but I'm one of those personality types that could dye my hair blonde; wear a pink dress with matching heels, smile all day and someone would still point out I have a "dark personality." I bring this up because I never once said I was goth when I was growing up. I simply didn't care. I wore what I wanted and basically ignored everyone around me when I realized being nice and making friends was a totally fruitless attempt. So when my classmates would strike up a conversation with me (which was basically never) or made a snide comment or remark the word 'goth' would frequently pop up. One experience of mine was that every day when I walked into my sophomore math class one guy would ask me "You're goth aren't you?" as I passed him to get to my seat. I hope you can appreciate how annoyed I would get at being labeled something I hadn't declared or really didn't care about. I only saw the term as something new to get tortured for.

Not to be dramatic or depressing but the majority of my experiences were really shitty! I was called weird, a freak. I'd be the butt of a rumor or a joke constantly, get poked in the back for a whole class period (and even when I politely asked a teacher to move I'd be denied) and the poking would continue. (I had to endure a week of it because whenever I moved seats the kid behind me would kindly give their seat to my taunter until I turned around and practically screamed at the guy when we were in the middle of class. After that I was deemed "crazy" by everyone. I would have my locker trashed and my things stolen. I literally would hide in one of the lesser used bathrooms and sit in there with my ipod and a book for as long as I could.

I was even mocked when I spoke. It got so bad I hated speaking in front of the class because they would make faces and mock me getting tongue tied. It continued until senior year. I actually stopped mid-presentation once, burst into tears and just walked out. Because I was told no one wanted to hear my voice and I was better off being unseen and unheard. So I definitely can empathize with those still in school or who are still going through crap like this.

I plan to feed them to oogie boogie >:)

So, happy experiences... I don't want to leave this post on a sad story like that. Oh! There was a guy who was nice to me. One time I was wearing black and white striped tights, and he goes "It isn't Halloween yet." I "wittily" replied, "Haven't you heard that every day is Halloween? Besides I like them." He then continued, "I like them too." 
Another time we were both in the office, and I got yelled at and written up for excessive eyeshadow. When I saw him again by our lockers he said "I don't think you have too much on. It looks cool."
I also got to know our school janitors really well and they were protective of me. My art teacher also spent a lot of time talking with me and spent more time on my projects than the others. 

I look back now and thank the heavens for those small pieces of kindness in my life and my friends who kept me afloat or I don't know how bitter and twisted I would have turned out. Actually I'm going to spread a little loving on them right now. I hope you found my post of some worth and if not at least I hope you know I'm here anytime to listen and empathize with you if you're going through something like this.

pacificari et stabiliri,


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